How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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