Got a toothbrush?
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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