I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
