I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Randomize
