I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
