I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
