Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
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