I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Randomize
