so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
