I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
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