Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
