i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
