Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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