that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
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