Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
