Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
