I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
