You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Life is so much better after having sex.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
