I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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