Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
