the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
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