The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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