What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
