I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Randomize
