Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
