3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
