either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
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