OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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