Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
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