My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
