there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize