seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
