my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
