If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
