I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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