you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
