Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
