Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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