I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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