# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
