A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
