Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize
