All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Randomize
