my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Randomize
