Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
