Apparently you make a good broom.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Randomize
