Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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