i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
You smell like a Billy Joel song
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Randomize
