i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
