Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize