Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Randomize
