My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Randomize
