using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
