I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
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