Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Randomize
