but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
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my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
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I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
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