i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
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