I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
He felt like a one man threesome
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
there is puke in my bra ... again
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