Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
