Already got asked if we're dating
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
