found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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