I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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