Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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