We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
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my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
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You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
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