Don't you send me to vm
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
