well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
