I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
