these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
