I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
