its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
