Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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