So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
