So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Randomize
