Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
