Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize
